A Father’s Heart for the Mama’s Heart

Fountain Lake, Richmond VA
Photo by Emily Olugbemi

Dear Mama,

To the mom who has an unsettled heart. You may find this being you, it may be someone you love, it is definitely me in this current season of life. I have never been pulled in so many different directions, and uncertain about what should take top priority during the day as everything seems equally important through my cloudy and tired judgment. You know the daily list…diaper changes, clean clothes, baths for the children and a shower for you if you’re on your game, everyone needs to eat 3 meals a day, laundry, crumbs, always something to scrub, the leak in the attic, groceries, maybe you work on top of motherhood, making time for yourself and perhaps a friend, keeping a healthy marriage, staying healthy….like I said, you know. As I have slowly been opening up to friends who are in a similar season of life, I thought I was alone in feeling overwhelmed with my responsibilities. But turns out other moms are feeling it too, so I wanted to write something for you and also for me.

All these things I have listed above are blessings. It is a blessing to take care of my family, it is a blessing to invest in my marriage and friendships, and to take a shower and feed my babies. But then why do I feel like I am drowning? I think partly because I am just one person, and that “daily list” is not a clock in and do a 9-5 shift work. It’s also not a tidy 24 hour list that you can “check off and check out” package because yes, you changed the baby’s diaper, but it’s going to need another change soon. And the counters always need another wipe down. It's a rhythm, it’s busy, it is a season. Im sure you are just as tired of hearing that phrase “it’s just a season! Enjoy it!” as I am.

The Lord has been kind to me to gently remind me who I am in this season of life. It is easy to get caught up in the anxiety and weariness of always being needed. Somedays I care for my children jealously wishing someone would think to care for me as much as I do them. When I think like this, I am forgetting who I am. Since I am a child of the most High God, I AM being cared for the same way. Just as a mother anticipates the needs of her family, and meets those needs sometimes before the family may realize, that is how God is caring for me and for you. His tender care for me and you never stops. Not only does He care for you, but He also delights in you. The same way we are delighted when our children open their hearts to us, and we start to get a glimpse of their adorable and unique personalities, God delights the same when we open our hearts to Him and ask Him for help.

My youngest has been needing me multiple times during the night recently, and it is exhausting. Often during a difficult night, even before I have the mind to seek the Lord in prayer, the Lord comes to me by whispering scripture into my ear, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness,” 2 Cor. 12:9. The Lord must be working on making His power great through me right now, for my weakness has never been so evident to me.

Sally Clarkson, a Christian speaker and author, speaks about the “unseen years”, which I am in right now. They are unseen to much of the outside world as I am focused on my family, and helping to lay down a solid foundation for them at home. It is important as this foundation is being laid that I remain faithful to the Lord during this time. It could be easy and tempting to not be faithful, to feel like I can cut corners as I live my life “unseen” by many. But God sees. He sees my heart behind my caring for my family, He sees my actions as I care for them, and He hears the words I say to them. God is not just watching from a distance though, rather Jesus invites us in Matt 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Motherhood can be lonely sometimes, which came as a surprise to me because I am always surrounded by people, even if they are tiny people. Some of the loneliness for me comes from a longing to be fully known and understood. It may be lonely for you if you are a single mom, or a family dealing with prolonged medical issues and others just cannot understand the daily emotional exhaustion, you may have a difficult family dynamic, or you might live far away from friends and family. I invite you friend, come to Jesus with me. As I go to Him daily, I find my loneliness lifting for He does fully understand me, which offers rest for my soul. He makes my burdens light as He comes along side me in this task of raising these precious souls. This is why it is important to not lose sight of who we are in motherhood. If our identity is that we are a mom, we will put unhealthy pressures on the role and our children to fulfill us. If our identity is in Christ, then we view motherhood through an eternal lens and trust in the wisdom Jesus gives as we learn from Him while pouring into our children.

No one understands a mother’s heart like our Heavenly Father, for He in His wisdom gave us this maternal heart. He cherishes your heart. He made us to feel deeply for our child’s hurts, to be able to easily empathize, and to be nurturing. God said it from the beginning, Gen. 1:31 “It is very good.” God designed the heart of a mother with His own son in mind, knowing and trusting this heart would care for His own son, Jesus, when Jesus came to earth as a baby taking on the form of a human. God’s heart is for you. He rejoices over you with singing (Zeph. 3:17), He restores your soul (Psalm 23:3), He will never leave you or forsake you (Her 13:5), and He gives you His peace (John 14:27). No one wants to see you succeed in your motherhood journey more than our Heavenly Father. Phil 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” God is invested in you and loves you.

Something that I have found helpful for my mind throughout the day is writing scripture verses on tiny note cards and placing them about the house in the most frequented areas. It helps as I glance up from doing the dishes to see scripture in front of my face to pull me out of any potential negativity I may be absorbing or shedding.
Here are some verses you may find as encouraging as I do:

-Gal. 6:9  “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”

-Isa. 66:13 “As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem.”

-Galatians 5:22-23 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.”

-Romans 12:9-10 “Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.”

Isaiah 26:3 “You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.”

Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

1 Peter 4:9-11 “Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God.”

2 Thes. 3:16 “Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.”